Nobody likes to be preached to about relationships. Therefore, nobody should read the rest of this post.
My mom has recently been complaining that, in her current relationship, she and her partner can’t communicate. She says that since they can’t talk about anything, they aren’t having any fun. While I agree that it’s very difficult to have fun if you can’t talk, I think she has the cause and effect backwards.
You can’t just expect to go over to the partner’s house, eat, maybe have some sex, sleep, go home, and have any fun (unless the sexual chemistry is through the roof—but even then it gets old… eventually). The basis for relationships is having fun together. If you never do anything, then it’s no wonder that you can’t talk about anything, because there’s nothing to talk about.
Instead of trying to “talk out” your communication problems1, I suggest that you suggest things to do together. You know, hiking, swimming, going to a movie in the theater, dancing, whatever. It doesn’t need to be big and exciting, just something. Something besides sitting at home doing nothing.
After you’re doing things like this twice a month at the very least, I assure you that the larger of your other problems will solve themselves.
1As Tom Lehrer puts it, “I feel that if a person can’t communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!”