Space and Time

On Thursday, just after we saw a lecture about Beethoven and Homer and had lunch together, I asked Karen (via email) if she would like to get dinner on Saturday. We have been loosely planning to go to spice china for a while. She replied, “busy then! going to a christmas concert. probably count me out for the next couple weeks… otherwise I’ll never get anything done.”

She leaves for Ithaca in two weeks. So I interpret this as saying “I can’t see you until after christmas.” I mean, that is an exaggeration, as I can see her at Wednesday at Somewhere and ICH, but those hardly count.

What the fuck? Sure, I understand she’s busy, but she has time to have dinner with the spanish students, to go to a christmas concert (without inviting me), to go to ICH and W@S, to watch anime. Suddenly as we declare that we are in a relationship, she has no time for me.

I told her that I understand and that I’d see her after her free time re-emerges. But it’s really not okay with me. I feel excluded and rejected, like she is trying to distance herself from me.

Now is the time when I would consider my options and make a decision about what to do next. Fuck that though. I don’t need a plan; I just want to live and to be happy. I have been trying to not worry about it and just be distant, but my present psyche seems incapable of that. So whatever. I’ll just be sad when I feel sad and chatty and desperate when I feel chatty and desperate and happy when I feel happy.

God damn relationships are a pain.

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