The Saturday before yesterday, I attended a LAN party at my friend Ian’s house. I didn’t end up playing any games though, because when I got there everybody was playing DotA, which I’m not too fond of. Instead I just did some programming. Then, to my surprise, two girls walked in the front door. At a LAN party? How… odd. Turns out they weren’t there for the games (of course); one of them, named Jessie, was Ian’s roommate.

They were chatting among the other desperate gamers, and I overheard that the other, Stephanie, was a violist. So I started up a conversation with her, talking about various classical music subjects and generally being excited that I met someone I could talk to about that, especially a woman. And she was really cute too :-). After playing a Beethoven piece (sonata no. 17, 3rd movement) on the piano for her, she asked if I would play a Frank Bridge piano quintet with her and some friends. We talked for some time, probably an hour and a half, before she gave me her email address and went home.

I emailed her on Sunday, having forgotten the name of the piece, asking her what it was and saying I’d be delighted to play. I also asked her out. Tuesday came with no response. Uncertain whether I had written down her email address correctly, unwilling to resort to tactics such as calling Ian to ask Jessie for her number, unwilling to give up, I fired off another email asking for a response. Probably not a great move in retrospect (but I really didn’t have any other options… which is what this post is about); she wrote back describing a situation which I don’t want to make public, essentially that she couldn’t go out for me, at least for a while. That’s okay, I’ll never turn down a chance to be friends with a good musician, and if there’s a possibility that that could turn into a relationship in the future, that’s good too. She gave the impression that she didn’t know me well enough to be interested or disinterested, which I believe. She also said:

Just to let you know for future endeavors, try not to bug a girl too much, if they want to hang out with you they will do something about it, I promise.

A few weeks back I also looked on craigslist personals, and set up a couple of dates, both of which didn’t end up happening for various stupid reasons. I never talked to the girls again, because I had never met them, maybe I wouldn’t like them, and also I didn’t want to bug them or anything.

I’m completely tired of not talking for the sake of giving people “space”! It’s just an excuse to forget about me. I haven’t emailed Karlin in two months for that reason, and she hasn’t attempted to contact me. I gave the craigslist girls space and we’ve never talked again. Stephanie and I got a conversation going (a fairly awkward one…), and I was the last person to say something, three days ago. If I give her space, she’ll never talk to me again.

Let’s look at the options. (1) give space => never talk again. (2) bug with email => annoy girl but possibly actually continue conversation. If my assumptions are correct, probabilistic analysis gives (1) a 0% chance of me ever seeing her again, and (2) about a 10% chance. Obviously (2) is the superior option.

Hmm, maybe she’s just lying about not knowing me well enough to be interested or disinterested. I know her well enough to be interested. Good conversation + cute + musician. I mean… come on.

Fuck space. If she’s forgotten about me, I’ll make her remember. If she doesn’t want to talk, she can ignore my second email (I won’t send a third) or she can tell me to fuck off (the latter is preferable actually). I’m not going to let this one just fade off anticlimactically into thin air for some stupid space argument. I’ve always hated songs that fade out at the end.


5 thoughts on “Space

  1. sexy quick intelligence superboy surging
    forth, locking
    out widder girls kryptonite
    dynamite terrifite focus so
    brite gotta get homeland ho

    Sounds like you’re taking her words too literally. When she writes you advice(?) like “try not to bug a girl too much”
    are the universal quantifiers vrooming away like camels on heat?. Does she speak for all women?

    Heck no.

    Having said that she does notice your coming on like an unnuanced piece that lists barbarians on kettle-drums.

    You had a great thing going conversing on a shared interest residing _outside of your two clayey brutish selves_. That’s a whole hour and a half more than the average guy gets. Really locked out there.

    Love trees, love clouds, love stones, love flowers. Like Galois the resolution of a solution in radicals appears to take an impatient circuit on symmetries irrelevant.

    Far from bugging her front her, board her, woo her, assail her. Just be sure to henceforth in directly.

  2. hey, how did my name get on kalban’s comment? I didn’t comment on this… although I do find it fascinating, having been there and done that once upon a time. Well, we didn’t have email in the 70s and 80s…. but we still had to woo, assail, and otherwise bug, girls. Bottom line is it’s like Vegas… keep playing the game and you’ll eventually come up a winner. When it comes to love, you only have to win a couple of times.

  3. hey luke, I’m sorry to say but ‘space’ means one of 2 things: (1.) she’s just not that into you but hasn’t yet developed a way of expressing it more directly, or (2.) she ACTUALLY DOES need more space to herself than you do. In either case you’re screwed (or…): it’s obvious why that is in the case number one, but more importantly in the case number two, if she wants to chat once every 2 weeks and you want to chat once every other day then that means that you’re mismatched about your relative needs for space, which in turn is a kiss of death for any rel’p. In either case, bugging her sets off a downward spiral.
    take good care,

  4. At the risk of spouting more sin tactic None cents, I’d like to merely point out that her willingness and desire to converse with you on any given schedule is not a constant.

    That said, a leopard doesn’t lose his spots overnight. So unless you’re creatively schizoidal in a merely awesome kind of way, you only get to play with expressions in the identity monad that always evaluate to the same thing whatever their context.

    Grow deeper roots within. Let no one, not womyn nor woe-man, diss you with superficial notingness. Or something like that.

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